9. The Follow-Up GameHow to Keep Women Interested After a Number Close
Getting a number close is a great accomplishment. As we’ve seen, though, it’s no guarantee of an actual date—and certainly no guarantee that you’ll see action later. Things aren’t entirely out of your hands, however; how you conduct yourself in the follow-up will in large part determine a girl’s response.
Let’s look at some of the options you have for communicating during follow-up—and the advantages and dangers of each.
Questions about texting a girl come up time and time again when I’m training guys. I used to be the worst possible texter, with most of my numbers flaking. Now my text game is very solid; it doesn’t ever let me down.
Text game is actually pretty simple, and if you follow my rules for texting you should notice a big difference right away. If you don’t want that prized number to turn into a flake, pay attention:
Use only one question mark per message.
Your messages, unless scripted, should be shorter than hers.
Use a “fire-and-forget” strategy—send the message, put the phone down, and go do something else.
If she texts you back, take your time before responding. Don’t rush right over to the phone. Take at least as long to reply as she did.
When you write a message, leave it as a draft for ten minutes; then go back and read it again—and make sure it’s not embarrassing!
If she asks a question (like “How’s it going?”) to which you can give only a boring response—don’t answer it.
If she asks multiple questions, don’t answer themal.
The best time to send a text message is when you’re busy or on your way somewhere. It shouldn’t look like you spent too long thinking about what to say. It should look like you finaly got around to it and are answering nonchalantly.
Don’t use xoxo’s or smiley faces…ever! Even if she does.
Never send two texts in a row within forty-eight hours without a response.
If she doesn’t reply, wait at least five days before trying again.
Don’t try to arrange the date on the first text; this is usualy instant death!
Some guys prefer getting on the phone. My friend and longtime wingman Anthony P. is one of those. But it’s a lot tougher to talk to someone when you aren’t face-to-face, so when you get her number, it needs to be as solid as possible.
If you call after a number close and she answers enthusiastically—it’s on. With a couple of minutes’ chat, you can probably set up a date pretty easily. If you call and she’s a bit cold or noncommittal—“Who? Oh yeah… I remember … umm…hi”—try to be as interesting as possible. Tell a story, talk about cool things that are happening, and then end the call before she does. In this circumstance, do not try to arrange a date. Leave it a few days and call again. Keep doing this until you call and she seems genuinely receptive. She’ll wonder why you haven’t asked her out, so just keep building her interest; then you know she’ll say yes when you finally ask.
Here’s how you should structure your phone game. Once you’ve finished up the greeting and you sense that she’s receptive, try a few of the following:
Reestablish initial connection—use cal-back humor, making her laugh again at the same things as during your interaction, or show her that you remember things she told you. (How was the trip to the zoo with your nephew?)
Get her into a positive state and ensure that she feels comfortable. Afirst phone cal after a nighttime number close wil not feel immediately comfortable; it wil take some effort on your part.
Get a sense of her plans for the next week.
Suggest something you can do together.
Arrange the logistics and settle the date.
Talk for a little longer, and then end the cal first.
If you call and get voicemail, it’s usually better to hang up and send a text. If you do leave a message, make it quick so you end the call before the recording time runs out. If you plan on calling her back in three days, don’t tell her, “I’ll call you in three days.” Just say or text her something short and sweet like, “Okay, talk to you soon.” Leave her wondering when and if.
The best time to call is when you’re on your way to a date, when you’re on a high after a successful day at work, or when you’ve just had some good gaming results. You will naturally sub-communicate attractive qualities (you’re busy, you’re high-energy, you have choices, you’re not needy or outcome-dependent) that are very tough to fake.
Don’t plan the call for three hours and make it from your bedroom in total silence. It’s better to be walking down the street or on your way somewhere. If you sense that she’s about to wind up the call, head her off at the pass and say that you’d better go. It’s all about maintaining control.
Lot’s of guys like to try to game online, but not me. I don’t think it’s the way to improve your game skills, because it keeps you within your comfort zone and it takes up a surprising amount of time. It’s also virtually anonymous, so people never really know who it is they’re dealing with.
I do use Facebook, though, and when you number close a girl via FB there are different levels of connection:
It’s so solid that you know you’l see her again.
You think you’l see her again, but there is potential for her to flake.
You’re not in a position to get a very solid close.
If you close the girl and then add her as a friend on Facebook, something interesting will happen and you will need to be prepared.
First, you need a good profile picture. My page has photographs of me from all over the world, with hot girls, with a bunch of martial arts black belts (they were my cousin’s belts), with a cute dog, flying a plane, etc. Trust me, your new “friends” are definitely going to look through all this from time to time, especially when you add new photographs. So do this fairly often, because it will help to create more intrigue and interest. It’s something that I’ve learned to do, with much success.
Over a couple of weeks, my new girl sees when I add new photos, new friends, etc. Now, even though we haven’t had our first date yet, we’re almost a social circle! She sees my face every day when she logs in on her friends list. She knows what I’m up to. It’s better and more efficient than a daily text. After a few days, she’s primed for some direct Facebook messages or maybe even an invitation to a “safe” event like a night out with a bunch of other people from Facebook. Often she’ll even initiate that contact. While I’ve received notably varying responses from girls that I have closed and added to Facebook, the technique is definitely fun and worth adding to your repertoire.