WHY ARE MARRIAGES BECOMING SO MUCH HARDER THESE DAYS : An Attempt at understanding.

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Marriage was way easier for our parents than it would ever be for us the Millennial Generation, most of our parents predated the televisions, they didn’t spend so much time as we do watching soap operas, telemundo, and Zee world, their idea of marriage back then was mostly wrapped around these two basic questions “who will be able to provide sufficiently for me and my kids” for the ladies folk, and “who will bear me strong and intelligent children” for the male folks. Don’t get me wrong, they were those out there, that were ahead of their time, and they sought for, and married their heartthrobs, but lets be honest, lets look at our homes and our neighbours, and we will see that our parents generation were not the type that sought to marry the Romeo or the Juliet for whom to die for, and who would die for them, they didn’t even have Bruno Mars telling them to catch grenades or jump in front of trains for the ones they loved, and they never had to fear if the ones to whom they professed their love to, would ever do the same.

In furtherance to that, our parents lived in an age where they knew that marriage really entailed the, in riches and in poor, happiness and sadness, sickness and in health and in joy and pain. They were not of the age were all we here is how happy we need to be at all time, every where we turn to, be it churches, schools, Facebook, twitter, Instagram, etc. All these places, we see the pictures of very happy couples and the very moment, that things go a bit astray, and we are to be tested on our commitment for the marriage, we pick our bags and we hit the road. “I cannot come and kee awasef johr, ”
We tell ourselves, next thing we run to the social media and we spread to the world how we just escaped hell, how can he want diner to be ready, are you his house girl? In this feminism era ? By the way, there are lots of h̸͟͞o̸͟͞o̸͟͞k̸͟͞s̸͟͞ fish out there. And we run to our DM to now message the guy that was always troubling us even when he knew we were married, “coast is clear,” we say, “free as the wind” we message him, with the the emoji of the dancing girl.

Not just that, our parents courted in the age of hand written letters, and you know as much as i do, that their relationship and friendship circle was more restricted to their communication circles, they were no wonder stories of someone sliding into their DM and putting a ring on it. Theirs was more restricted to sliding to the stream path, and then gisting with them as they carried their water pots home, and their parents about and cautioned them on whom to/whom not to date.

Even cheating was harder to do back then as it is today. Some of us remember those uncles that used to give us sweets to go and call so so and so Aunty, and with the absence of long distance communications, meetup was always within close proximity to home, albeit secluded, so the wife always got wind of the eatout where the husband had taken the side chick to, and would always show up to drag the side chick’s hair to leave her husband alone. These days, with the mobile phone, the man could be dating the next door neighbor and be meeting up in a hotel in the next state, and it will only take the grace of an unlocked phone, or an undeleted message for the wife to get wind of the situation.

Further on, the pressure wasn’t as much as it is today, back then our parents lost contacts with their colleagues that left town, and only got wind of their marriage stories on rare occasions were their paths crossed, thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, we know get to know of the Engagement, pre wedding pics, bridal showers, and we get contracted to buy and sew our ashoebi to attend the wedding. And not jus that, the pressure mounts on, you see your friend doing baby showers and you are still childless, you see your friend splashing pictures of her and her hubby in Dubai catching cruise and you just had an argument with hubby on why the house is too small the other night. And then you get depressed that you got it all wrong in life.

Truth is, most of our parents never experienced what we are currently experiencing, there was no marriage course that was radically designed for the millenial era, 80% of what we get taught there, are stuffs that worked for our parents, stuffs that are obsoletes, stuffs that have been over taken by the turn of time. But then with our psychologist now joining banks or politics, who are those out there that are understudying these sudden change of our psyche towards marriage, we cannot hope to be giving the same “go and do a 1 day fasting, read so so and so portion of the bible, and say this prayer point” when at the same time, a our special other, has just received a message on Facebook from one of his admirer, asking him, “where can we meet now”.

Its about time, we dropped the big magnifying glass method of assesment handed over to us, we are currently using to look at these ever increasing rate of marriage infidelity, broken homes, and divorces, and then put on some hi tech head gears, fitted with better magnifying range, some touch of android to it, and some mouth and earpiece to better communicate the new trends of things as they arise, its only through dealing with fast changing trends, with fast changing modalities, would we be able to save the millennial generation from the ever increasing rate of Gamaphobia (the fear of marriages/commitments) that will utterly lead us to self annihilation.

Benesis 27/5
#BattlingGamaphobia

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