48 HMO Health Care Professional – Bullshit jobs and how to get them
See sick people, get rid of them
They would rather see me doubles over in pain greater than labor than fix the problems, not even attmepting to prescribe pain meds nothing. Kaiser is the biggest pile of bullshit ever invented.
Beth, a patient, writing on kaiserhospitalsucks.com, one of many sites dedi-
cated to complaints about just one of many HMOs
$$: Not so great, actually. You could do a lot better as a plastic surgeon, allergist (see Allergist), or any specialist not supported by insurance.
ß: 45–121. The number is potentially reduced by the damage you are sometimes forced to do by the H MO’s policies of stalling, delay, and steadfast inattention to those in need.
Skills Required: Be elusive.
Be able to make patients come back again and again, gen erating multiple bills for no service received; prescribe wrong medication at times; pooh-p ooh ailments of chronic sufferers.
Duties: Your job is to see as many people as possible and recommend the least expensive treatment you can. Least expensive for the HMO, that is. A young friend of mine had chronic neck pain a while back in the early days of managed care.The Harvard Community Health Plan gave him a prescription for Darvon and a neck collar and sent him home—four times. He’s all right now. He saw a private physician who gave him some simple CAT scans, found the problem, and removed a tumor the size of a grapefruit from his spine. It only took six months in a body cast and metal halo to set him right, but he had already moved from Boston when he was hospitalized, so it didn’t cost his HMO a thing, so in the end it was a happy story.
Famous Examples: There really are no big names in undercaring for people. I recommend you simply enter the words “HMO horror stories” in Google and see what pops up. It is a lesson in how dangerous bullshit can be when it is placed in the wrong hands. W
How to Get It:You may have to earn your MD to undertreat people at the highest levels of this job. But a great HMO has callous and deliberately inattentive people at all levels—from the receptionist who keeps you waiting in the wrong area despite knowing that you’re not in the right place, to the scheduling nurse who puts you on hold and then forgets about you, to the specialist who could ease your suffering but sends you to another department for further testing because h e’d rather not. At the very tippity top of the food chain here are administrators adept in doling out huge portions of bullshit to people in order to explain why the HMO has decided not to treat their terminal disease.You can be that person, as long as y ou’re not afraid that one day your karma will give you a goiter. W
The Upside: After a while, figuring out ways to deny people medical attention can be a challenging game. The good news is that you win more than you lose.
The Downside: Sometimes people get so sick that you may have to treat them.
The Dark Side: Even though it’s not really your fault and you’re only enforcing the codes and regulations of the system you work for, and everybody has to make a living, you know, sometimes it’s very narrowly possible that you may do something, or not do something, that results in the death of somebody.Then, you know, if you think about it too much and dwell on it in a way that you really have no reason to, you may feel bad. W
Where You Go from Here: Hunting endangered species for their fur.