47 Headhunter – Bullshit jobs and how to get them
Put big jobs together with big people, at about the rate at which an elephant gestates
Sure, I can ground Orr. But first he has to ask me to.”
“That’s all he has to do to be grounded?”
“That’s all. Let him ask me.”
“And then you can ground him?” Yossarian asked.
“No. Then I can’t ground him.”
“You mean there’s a catch?”
“Sure there’s a catch,” Doc Daneeka replied. “Catch 22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn’t really crazy.”
Joseph Heller, Catch-22
$$: $250,000 a year and up.
ß: 160. Huge. Almost Trumpian levels. The catch- 22 is that you can’t get taken seriously by a headhunter unless you have a great job, and you can’t get that great job unless you have the attentions of a headhunter.This works well for only one entity in the transaction: the headhunter.
Skills Required: Truly, I don’t know. It’s hard to fi gure.
Duties: Try to find a perfect person to fill that very impor-
tant slot at a company that really needs one. Finding the person is not required.Your role is to provide the illusion of activity for the senior officer who hired you, so that when the chairman says, “Do we have an EVP of fi nance yet?” your client can say, “Not yet, Howie, but we have Shinem and Grubb working on it!”
Famous Example: The Asmat tribe of New Guinea, who reputedly killed and ate Michael Rockefeller, the twentythree- year- old son of then New York Governor Nelson Rockefeller. W
How to Get It: Background in human resources is very helpful because it trains you to stop caring about people. The trick is to get fired from the HR department of a large company. Headhunting firms seem to be filled with losers from the corporate wars. W
The Upside: Big, formerly successful people come to you on their knees, begging for a lift back onto the gravy train. The Downside:You’re a human resources professional.
The Dark Side: Sitting with people who really need you, and you know you can’t help them.That bothers even you at times, admit it.
Where You Go from Here: Military recruiter for the Iraqi army.