19 Celebutante – Bullshit jobs and how to get them
Be fabulous and scandalous and famous and hot!
Times are bad. Children no longer listen to their parents, and everyone is writing a book.
Cicero, Circa 66 B.C.
$$: Millions for endorsements and everything is on the house!
ß: 103 degrees. That’s hot.
Skills Required: Look good; don’t give a shit; willingness to change color of hair and eyes daily.
Duties: Be slim, don’t lose cellular Sidekick, carry small dog, do stuff in bathroom stalls.
Famous Examples: Paris Hilton, and then everyone else. Genius comes in all shapes and forms, and hers is something special.
Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.
How to Get It: Go anywhere, do anything, never let anybody harsh your glow. Be hot. W
The Upside: The cover of Vanity Fair!
The Downside: Daily bikini waxing, in case paparazzi catch you without underwear. Come to think of it, you never wear underwear!
The Dark Side: Sleazy sex partner captures you on videotape and sells your stoned, dazed, humping, raccoon- eyed act all over the world. No, wait a minute! That’s the upside! W
Where You Go from Here: Carl’s Jr., for breakfast.